I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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