Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
