why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
