i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
