im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
