I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
