Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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