we have officially lost it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
