I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
