Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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