The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
