Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
