I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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