So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
