Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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