4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
