why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
