i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
