Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
