i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
