Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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