The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
