is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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