Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
