girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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