4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
