Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
