well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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