Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize