): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
