If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
