I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize