if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
