i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
