I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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