did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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