Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
