Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
