Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
