Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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