i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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