youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
