Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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