My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
