and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
