I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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