I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
