I heard we made out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
