Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
