Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
