We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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