Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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