I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
