The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
