No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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