My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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