I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Buhtt sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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