My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
