so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
