...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
