Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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