just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
