Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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