Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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