You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
