I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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