For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
