I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
