she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
