I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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