You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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